In A Perpetual State Of Waiting

It is June in Washington D.C., which marks hot melting days, and the start of a new season.  One season closer to the big day.  I realized that I've been in a bit of a funk lately, like I'm just waiting for life to begin.  I haven't really felt this since high school when I was waiting to graduate and move on to the next part of my life.  What makes it so hard to simply live in the "now" and get to the "next part" when it happens?  I probably spend a little too much time trying to escape and just let the time pass as quickly as possible rather than actively taking advantage of that time.  I've been feeling a bit lost these days, because I keep telling myself that until I know when exactly I will pay off my student loans, I can't make a concrete decision about when I will leave.  And until I know when I can quit, I will not know where I will start, depending on the seasons, and so route planning seems a bit futile. 

And so I tell myself "self, get off yo' butt and just make a decision, get back to dreaming and planning and doing all those things that give you a reason to wake up every morning."

And so I did.

Today, I decided to stop wavering between different trip routes.  I decided to stop using the unknowns to stop my trip planning.  I decided to make a decision that makes sense to me.  I had an overly idealized idea that I'd start at the end of the world and bike home, wherever that may be, Peru, Bolivia, Seattle.  I liked the idea of plopping myself down to tackle the Andes right away, even though that may mean that I would have to give up my dream (at least for now), of climbing Aconcagua.  But the little nagging voice in my head was telling me I was rushing a little too much, not giving myself enough cushion to save the proper amount of money, not giving my family enough time before I go, not getting the most out of my high powered lawyer salary, requiring a little too much "austerity" for me to appreciate these last months...

So, I find myself envisioning a different start.  A more relaxed start.  A start that I think will make me a better person for it and with a bigger cushion.  Will an extra couple weeks at work be worth the extra couple thousand I can save?  Absolutely.  I'll be thanking myself later when I have no income save the interest on my 401k/IRA.

Instead of trying to rush to leave in January to fly to Ushuaia only to have to race winter North, I decided to not ruin my boss' holidays and give notice after the New Year, get an extra months' salary (which should give me an extra couple months on the road), have time to do my taxes and get my refund (another maybe month on the road worth of monies), live out my lease until the middle of February, and take my time to spend two weeks driving cross-country to visit friends and family and all the national parks in between (instead of giving it just 6 days as originally planned), then spend a week or so visiting with my parents in Richland (instead of a day or two), before heading out to cycle to Seattle to visit my brother and then onward to the Pacific coast to bike it down to Baja California.  And just keep on going south. 

The advantages of doing it this way are endless, I have the flexibility to wait until March 1 to start driving cross-country, so if financial disaster hits, I can put off my trip a bit and still be just fine, I don't have to be in such a goddamn rush all the time, I can really spend some quality time with both my parents and my brother, and I'll be more likely to have U.S.-based friends join me for the first leg of this trip. 

Sooooo, here is my new childlike picture of maybe where my route will take me!